[At Eddie's pool house, Eddie is seen playing his video game.] Eddie: Go, go, go! Come on, come on! Yeah! [Stands up] Whoo-hoo! Level 43! Whoa, whoa. Okay, head rush. [As he sits back down, Eddie inadvertently sits on the TV remote, changing the channel to an infomercial.] Garry: (on TV) Hey, there! Do you still live with your parents, eat junk food and have inflatable furniture? Eddie: (scoffs) Idiot. Garry: You probably think I'm an idiot. Eddie: What? Garry: But I'm Garry "The Winner" Wishmann. Send me $99.95 and I'll send you my patented Earphones of Enlightenment. There, I'll guide you personally from chump to champion in one week. Whereupon, you'll receive an official graduation certificate. [Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Eddie gets up to answer it.] Eddie: Oh, please. What kind of lame-wad would need that? [Eddie opens the door to see Nana Noodleman's butler, Hobbs, standing with a tray that has the Earphones of Enlightenment on it.] Hobbs: For you, sir. Eddie: Wait, what? Who sent this? [Takes box] Eddie's mother: (on intercom) Your mother! Eddie: (screams) Mom, you know I scare easily. Eddie's mother: Now, you must complete the course and bring me the graduation certificate, or I'm kicking you out. Eddie: I just ordered new curtains. Eddie's mother: One week, darling. Bye, Eddie. Eddie: (sighs) [Hobbs leaves and Eddie contemplates his situation. Sometime later, Eddie is sitting on his couch and puts on the earphones.] Eddie: (scoffs) This is so stupid. Garry: (through headphones) "This is so stupid." Eddie: Huh? Garry: That's what you're thinking. But now's not the time to think, now's the time to begin your transformation. [As Garry talks, Eddie quickly straightens up the living room, then takes a nap, then continues cleaning up, and then eats some chips.] First, you gotta organize your exterior before you can organize your interior. Next, remove all distractions. [Eddie sadly opens a cabinet and places his video game console inside.] Eddie: Bye, little buddy. [Closes doors] [Eddie crosses off the first day of the week. The next day, he is woken up by Garry's voice.] Garry: Wake up! Eddie: (exclaims) [Eddie, startled, falls off the couch, but gets back up.] Garry: Now that we've cleaned your outside, it's time to clean your inside. [Eddie makes a blended green juice drink and drinks it. He spits it back in the blender. Next, he is sitting on a diving board, meditating. He slumps forward and falls into the pool.] Eddie: Ah! [Next, Eddie is about to try the juice drink again. He looks around before throwing a pizza slice in the blender as well. He blends it, then drinks it.] Eddie: Mmm... Mmmm, don't even have to chew it. [Eddie crosses off the second day. He is woken up again the following morning.] Garry: Up and at 'em! Eddie: (gasps) I'm awake, i'm awake. What now? Garry: It's time to get physical! [Eddie is at a dance studio, trying to keep up with the other dancers. Next, he's at a gym using a treadmill.] Eddie: Physical. (pants) [Eddie is at the studio, attempting to stay on count with the other dancers.] Eddie: Sorry. Trying to dance in here. [Gets hit accidentally] Ah! Excuse me. [Gets hit again] Ow! [Gets knocked down] (grunts) [Eddie is on the treadmill, trips, falls on his face, and gets launched by it.] Eddie: (exclaims) [The next day...] Garry: Rise and shine! Eddie: Yes, Garry. Garry: [As Garry talks, Eddie is quickly cleaning the living room again, but this time, it's nearly spotless.] It's time to kick it up a notch. Eddie: Kick it up a notch. [Eddie is shown meditating at the bottom of the pool underwater. He is then at the dance studio again, but now, he's able to keep up with the other dancers. Next, he's at the gym, running on the treadmill, looking focused. The week is now over and the last seven days on Eddie's calendar have been crossed out.] Garry: Way to go! The week is over and the graduation certificate is as good as yours... Eddie: [Sits up on couch] I did it! I'm a winner! Garry: ...as soon as you send me an additional $99.95. Eddie: What? [Takes off headphones] But I did everything you said. I ate kale. Do you know how hard it was to eat kale? You owe me a certificate! [The scene transitions to Eddie standing outside of Garry's estate.] Eddie: Do you hear me? [Eddie has the earphones around his neck. He looks up at the very long flight of stairs leading up to Garry's front door. Eddie rolls up his sleeves, and ties a red ribbon around his head. He pushes the gates open with all his strength.] Eddie: (grunts loudly) [Eddie is sprinting up the stairs, and as he passes by a gardener, he unknowingly cuts down a small plant. Eddie then zooms by a rabbit on his way to deliver a stack of pizza boxes. Finally, Eddie reaches the front door. He knocks, and Garry, wearing a red robe, answers the door.] Garry: I... Eddie: Listen, Wishmann. I need that certificate. Garry: Okay, so here's the... Garry's Mom: [Off-screen] Garry! Stop playing those video games and go clean the pool! Garry: Yes, Mother. Eddie: You're Garry "The Winner" Wishmann? Garry: It's just... It's just Garry. Eddie: I've been treating you like my lord and master. Garry: Sorry, the whole commercial was my mom's idea. She's like, "Get some ambition, or I'm kicking you out." Eddie: Dude, we're living the same life. Wait a minute. Is that the original edish of Diamonds of Greyfork? [Some time later, Eddie and Garry are at Eddie's pool house playing video games.] Eddie: Hey, dawg, thanks for the certificate. My mom, like, totally framed it. Garry: My mom won't get off my back. Eddie: Just tell her we're flowers waiting to blossom. Like we are about to blossom into-- Both: Level 43! Eddie: Yes! Garry: Yeah! Announcer: (On TV) Are you a flower waiting to blossom? Are your parents on your back and can't get them off? Then I can help. Eddie: (scoffs) Both: Idiot. |
